Spam Zen

Posted By on October 30, 2006

aka The You’re-Scaring-Me meme.

My charming and patient husband has tagged me with a new meme, in which the goal is to choose filler material from a spam and wax philosophic. Or sophomoric. I’m not sure one can really tell the difference.

Do it, daddy-o, do it. Ive got the gilt.

At first glance, one might be tempted to envision a sock hop. This, I fear, is what they want us to think. The reality may be far more pernicious. Like all spy communications, this is of necessity in code. Far more than a call to dance, Daddy-o is being summoned to set in motion the chain of events that could threaten the stability of the free world, by toppling the most powerful economies of the west.

Daddy-o is clearly not some Clearasil wearing hepcat, but actually the leader of a plot to garner control of the world’s gold. Gilt? We are not talking here about sparkle, but actual gold bouillon. And Daddy-o, the one being notified that the plan is in place and ready to begin, is the head of an illegal international organization. Possibly the Mafia (with Daddy-o being, naturally, the Godfather), but more likely an Illuminati based cartel which heretofore has funded itself primarily with the sales of Nike shoes. Just do it, indeed.

The fact that the sender says “I’ve got the gilt” should worry us. This anonymous representative is saying that the plan is foolproof. The gold is as good as in hand. This is because, as the second use of the phrase “do it” tells us, both the first and the second phase are ready to be carried out. The plan is far advanced, and the free world is in danger.

You can learn a lot if you know how to read the cryptic emails that masquerade as spam in your inbox.

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is this: find a phrase in your spam that seems to be nonsense, and tell us what it really means.


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