Absent with Leave

Posted By on September 30, 2009

(or at least an excuse.)

I’m sorry, gentle reader, for my neglect. You see, we have recently undergone a certain life change in our home. To be more accurate, I’m the one who has changed status, from SAHM to student. I’ve gone back to school to study for a Master-In-Teaching degree.

It’s all rather exciting, daunting, and disconcerting… all at once. It’s exciting because I’m enjoying my courses, fellow students (actually they call us a cohort) and the prospect of a career. I’ve always believed I had a gift for teaching, and right now I’m feeling called. I believe God is leading me this direction.

Which leads to the daunting aspect. The fact is that I’ve been a homeschooler and stay at home mom for so many years (17 as a homeschooler, 20 as a stay at home mom) that the idea of trading it all in feels like a betrayal. I’ve always said I respect people for making a choice about what’s best for their children, whether that choice is school, homeschool, or some other option. Yet when I am “crossing the line” I feel like I’m losing my identity and betraying those I’ve felt a kinship with in the past. I have to just breathe deeply, ask for guidance, and recommit myself to doing what I believe God wants of me at this point in my life, and not let my own self image interfere.

Do I still identify with homeschoolers? Yes. I still think of myself that way, and in fact I still have a daughter studying at home via an online public school program. And I have a son in kindergarten at the local school, because in his case there is little doubt in my mind that he needs it. Nobody has given me a hard time about going back to school to become a teacher; in fact, I’ve gotten nothing but support and positive words from everyone I know. Still, I feel weird about the whole thing.

The weirdest part is that I find myself identifying with teachers,, and classrooms, and classroom management, and all those things that really had an “otherness” feel about them before. I never thought teachers were the enemy, so why do I feel like a traitor?

I know this change of perspective is necessary if I am to succeed as a teacher. I need to think about things like a less individualized curriculum, and large group discipline, and seating arrangements and desks and notes home. Somehow, though, it feels like I’m leaving something behind. So it’s exciting, yes; but also bittersweet.

I imagine that the tone of my blog will change as I make this transition from housewife to student to new teacher to career person. I don’t think I’m changing tremendously, but I’m sure going to find myself in new circumstances, and responding to them. I pray that none of this will distract me from my truest calling, to know, love, and serve God in this world, preparing to be happy with Him in the next.

I invite you to go on this journey with me. I’m going to need the prayers.


3 Responses to “Absent with Leave”

  1. mskitty says:

    Best wishes on your new journey, Christina! I hope you’ll love a career in education as much as I did. The kids are a constant source of inspiration and amusement and I’m so glad for my 25 year career in public education. Heaven knows it was a great preparation for the ministry!

  2. Good for you! I have taught (on and off) and I think your experience as a home schooler will serve you well in the classroom. As to being distracted from your true calling, I suspect that instead you will find that RIGHT NOW, this is your calling. Because that can change, you know–in God’s time.

  3. Laura says:

    I have a Masters in Teaching.
    I enjoyed my courses too and the program took me 6 years to complete because I could only afford to pay for one course at a time.
    Way to go.

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