Posted By Christina M on August 14, 2007

You know you’re a big family when…

…people count the number of your children out loud when you’re in public
…people ask, “Are they all yours?”
…you start counting your children when you’re out in public
…you have at least three bunk beds set up in your home
…almost everyone you know has less children than you do
…people say, “Wow! How do you manage?”
…people ask you, out of the blue, if you are Mormon or Catholic.
…you buy your pots and pans in the restaurant supply store
…supposed “family size” food portions seem awfully small
…you complain, “Doesn’t anyone make large dining tables anymore?”
…you outgrow your mini-van
…you’ve heard “Don’t you know what causes that?” more times than you’d care to remember
…you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be alone anywhere else but in the bathroom
…your children never run out of playmates among their siblings
…everything you buy is in bulk
…people ask, “Don’t you get overwhelmed?”
…you and your husband can no longer hold each child’s hand while crossing the street
…it takes a wonderfully long time to hug and kiss everybody
…one of your children looks wistfully at the newborn and asks you, “Can’t you have another baby really soon? I hardly get to hold this one because everybody else is taking turns.”
…you realize that few houses are designed with your family in mind
…people ask you if you’ve ever accidentally left any of your children behind
…life around your family never seems boring or dull
…your tent is the largest one in any campground
…you feel sorry for people with only two children
…you sometimes wonder what on earth mothers with only two children do with all their spare time
…whenever you set your dining table, it looks like it used to look when you were expecting lots of company
…you read a cookbook and joke, “They call these meals? Sounds like a little snack to me.”
…your gratitude at the abundance of God’s blessing moves you to tears unexpectedly
…you start thinking of yourself as “rich in children”
…you secretly think that life in your family might possibly be a much more joyous adventure than life in smaller families
…you are vastly amused at much modern parenting advice, realizing that it is unnecessary, impossible, impractical, or simply silly to try to apply it in a large family setting
…it seems as if you pack more stuff going on a short trip than some people pack when moving their entire household
…you and your husband laugh, “And to think that when we got married, we wanted only four children!”
…your husband sighs happily, “I’ve finally got my dream car”–and it’s a used 15- passenger van.

I don’t know where this list originated, but I cannot tell you how true it rings.

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Tags: big families, pro life

Posted By Christina M on August 9, 2007

Well, that time is upon us again, mid-August: back to school sales, curriculum planning, trying to get kids back into the habit of sleeping at night and waking up during the day. And with it comes my latest Short Stack recommendation: The Well-Trained Mind, by Jessie Wise and Susan Wise Bauer.

I started reading it at the beginning of the summer, and I’m still not finished; not because it isn’t holding me, but because there is so much in it to absorb, it must be taken in doses. Even just 2/3 finished, though, I cannot praise it highly enough. This book about classical homeschooling and afterschooling is a surprise and a help.

It is a surprise, because it shook to my foundations my concept of what classical education is. When I’d seen classical education recommended in articles, book catalogs, and email groups, it always sounded like a bunch of people had gotten together and decided not to teach anything except ancient Rome. Maybe some ancient Greece. So they would buy a fully packaged curriculum that taught ancient civilizations for twelve years in a row, and think that because they were homeschooling, their children were getting superior and individualized educations.

Where The Well-Trained Mind is concerned, I could not have been more wrong. Finally, someone has explained the point of classical education, and not just the first year’s content. Classical education, explains this mother and daughter writing team, teaches children within a method that takes into account their developmental levels. In addition, it covers history and literature more or less together, and systematically, chronologically. The good classical education should do an entire survey of history three times, in three cycles, and ancient civilization is only the first of four stages in each cycle. And it is not limited to Rome and Greece, but also covers other ancient civilizations: China, India, South America, Persia, and so on.

Those who think classical education means teaching nothing but classics just aren’t understanding the point. They are missing all the wonderful educational theory and thorough historical perspective. Perhaps they, like I had, got the idea that they could understand what the theory meant without doing any real study on the subject.

If you homeschool, and especially if you long to offer a better curriculum than a pre-packaged box of workbooks can provide, you might want to read this book. Start by glancing at the sections that pertain to your children’s ages, and at the sections that cover the subjects that attract you. Then turn back and read from the beginning. Even if you don’t have grammar-stage children, you will find the explanations and ideas about the learning stages invaluable.

If you afterschool, or are interested in learning more about it, you can still get a lot out of this book, enough to turn an adequate school-only education into a superb habit of lifelong learning.

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Posted By Christina M on August 8, 2007

1. People who style their hair during Mass.
2. Bathing suit tops as clothing.
3. Beer slogans on shirts.
4. Smacking gum. (Oh, don’t get me started. No, pushing the gum to the side of your mouth to receive Holy Communion does not suffice. Ever heard of the Communion fast?)
5. Lectors in sweat pants.
6. 7 year olds who play handheld video games during the homily.
8. Gossipping in the Communion line.
9. People who won’t scoot toward the middle to let others fit into the pew.
10. Myself, when I let what’s going on in the pews around me seem more important to me than what’s going on at the Altar.

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Tags: Catholicism, liturgy

Posted By Christina M on August 7, 2007

Spoiler alert.

It’s a boy!

The results are mostly good. The typical markers of Down Syndrome are absent, and all of the organs and limbs look good. He’s a very active tyke already, with a taste for the thumb. It also turns out that the blood screening did not turn up factors that increase our risk; rather, the opposite. Apparently the normal risk for my age is 1:70, and the adjusted rate taking into account both age and the hormone screening brings the risk level to 1:81. I do wish they would give more explanation over the phone than just “the triple screen came out positive for Down Syndrome, but don’t worry, there are a lot of false positives.”

One unexpected but fairly small worry did come up in the sonogram. The normal umbilical cord is supposed to have one vein and two arteries, and this one has one vein and one artery. One artery is usually enough to handle the blood flow, but it is sometimes associated with kidney problems, heart problems, or slow growth. They’ll be keeping an eye on this, meaning more closely monitoring the pregnancy. It can, in rare instances, be a marker for Down Syndrome, but not a strong one. Most of the other sometimes-associated problems would have been visible in the sonogram, and were not.

Now you know more than you ever wanted to about my pregnancy. Either you’re a sucker for baby stories, or you’re a friend or family member that I should be in better contact with. Either way, thank you for your prayers and interest.

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Posted By Christina M on August 6, 2007

Well, last week was stressful, and this week promises to be at least as much so. I took the triple screen last week, which I do know has a possibility of false positives. It came out showing higher than usual odds of my baby having Down Syndrome, so tomorrow I’m scheduled for a level II sonogram an hour and a half away. (Our medical facilities here in town are pretty limited. Everything out of the ordinary is out of town.)

I’ve never been worried about Down Syndrome before, even though my last two pregnancies were also past age 35. I declined the triple screen for them; but this time, I’ve had this nagging worry that I should at least be prepared for the possibility. It seems like everywhere I go online, I am seeing people discuss Down Syndrome, how they found out, and how they wouldn’t trade their child for anything. I appreciate that sentiment, and if I have a child with Down Syndrome, I think I will feel the same way. But for now, not knowing, I am really hoping and praying that this child does not have any problems.

Partly, I’m selfish. We have two children over 18, one of them moved out. We’ve been married 4 1/2 years and have not been able to have a honeymoon, or even a weekend alone, since we married, because we are constantly surrounded by our blessings. I’ll be the first to say every child is a blessing, but it would be nice to be able to spend time with my charming and patient husband sometimes, too, without it being interrupted by bickering, diapers, and “can I haves.”

And let’s face it: I’m 40 years old, arthritic, overweight, tired, and depressed. I love being a mother, but I would dearly love someday to retire from being a mommy. I want to be grandma; I want to turn bedrooms into offices and libraries, and to send children home for dinner. I want to have a guest bedroom that it’s a treat for a child to sleep in. In other words, I dream of the day I can move on to the next stage of parenting: grandparenting. I would love to take a honeymoon, and as it is we might be able to do that for our 25th anniversary.

The thought of having a child who will likely never move out daunts me and haunts me. It isn’t that I don’t love my children, you know. But I’ve spent the past three years in the same three rooms almost constantly, listening to electronic toy computers singing the alphabet, in-depth discussions about the merits of one handheld gaming system over another, and demands that I choose sides in arguments over whether a child did nine minutes in the kitchen or ten. Most of my adult conversations have been limited to a half hour, over coffee, before Joel leaves for work. Is it so selfish that I just want to think that one day — some day — I will be able to have adult conversations on a regular basis?

I find myself looking forward to tomorrow, for that reason. Three hours in the car with a grownup, and not a single child to interrupt. A chance to see the baby in greater detail, probably to find out if it’s a boy or a girl, and ease my mind or learn to adjust. One way or the other, it’s better to know than to worry.

And perhaps selfishly, I pray.

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Tags: prayer requests, pregnancy

Posted By Christina M on July 31, 2007

Hypertot, wrapping a pillow around the back of his head: “I’m a hot dog in a bun.”

For all the challenges of raising a hyper tot, I wouldn’t trade him for anything.

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Posted By Christina M on July 31, 2007

I think I’m about to get some crushing financial news, and if I’m correct it will mean losing our home. Not only that, but we will not be able to afford any other home, purchase or rental, and will be on the streets. Please, please pray.

update: Evidently you did. I won’t go into the situation, but suffice it to say that I got better news than I expected, and we’ll be able to keep our heads above water for another month. Thank you, pray-ers, and thank You, God!

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Posted By Christina M on July 27, 2007

The other day, I handed over my keys to a new regime: I found my replacement for Coordinator of Religious Education, and although there’s a little sorrow there’s a great deal of relief. With all the pregnancy hormones, I just don’t have the emotional stamina that I had a year ago. The pair of sisters who accepted the position are ideal, and I was greatly pleased that they decided to do it. They assisted me in the religious education office last year, they have taught CCD, and they have worked in schools and offices. They know their way around the job, and have that certain “Mom” quality that serves well in this position (“I’m the mom, that’s why!)

I’m a little sad at turning over the job, but mostly for the wrong reasons. I enjoyed the prestige… dare I admit that? I dearly loved going to liturgy board meetings, planning improvements to the program, and having people recognize me and know my name. We live in a small town, where that means something. It’s kind of fun to go to the doctor and have him ask me “expert” questions about religious ed policies, or to go to the pharmacy and have the pharmacist call me by name before seeing my prescription. As a person who has spent the better part of four years here feeling like a stranger, it’s been my first experience of being an accepted member of the community.

On the other hand, there are things I will not miss. Leading parent meetings, going in without quite knowing till the last minute what I’m supposed to talk about. Cleaning up nosebleeds and hearing fourth graders yammer about their handheld gaming systems. Trying to find substitutes on fifteen minutes notice, or filling in when the sub fails to show. Explaining to irate parents at 7:30 in the morning that no, we are not showing the kids R rated movies, and yes, you do have to be baptized to make First Communion. No, I can’t baptize your child or arrange for it, you’ll have to call the parish office yourself. They open in half an hour.

Mostly, I won’t miss the feeling of panic when I know deep in my heart that I’m unprepared, no matter how well I can fool everyone else.

And I love knowing that the program is going to be in really good hands: people who are faithful to Church teachings, who have sincere prayer lives and active sacramental lives. I love knowing that I don’t have to show them around too much, because they already know most of the ropes. (This, I must admit, was a fear of mine: how can I teach someone else what I barely know myself?)

I will probably be looking for another ministry or activity to get involved with, but one I can leave easily when the baby is born; and one that I can miss on days when family life is making demands. It took me a year to learn to love our parish (how can they be blamed that I was homesick?) and another two years to work up the courage to take on a position of responsibility; I don’t want to leave behind all that progress. But for now, it’s kind of a pleasant sorrow to hand in my keys.

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Posted By Christina M on July 26, 2007

I was just reading, again, about Obama’s idea of proactive early sexualization sex education for kindergarteners. A few moments later I stumbled upon an article about reasons for homeschooling, and suddenly the obviousness of the connection between the two subjects stood out sharply. I don’t just mean the usual connection (homeschooling to prevent exposure to harmful teaching), but a more subtle one.

The part that stood out in the article about Obama was this:

“Keep in mind: I honor and respect young people who choose to delay sexual activity,” Obama continued. “I’ve got two daughters, and I want them to understand that sex is not something casual. That’s something that we definitely want to communicate and should be part of any curriculum. But we also know that when the statistics tell us that nearly half of 15 to 19 year olds are engaging in sexual activity, that for us to leave them in ignorance is potentially consigning them to illness, pregnancy, poverty, and in some cases, death.”

His speech is so riddled with problems it’s difficult to know where to start. Clearly, he is damning abstinence with faint praise, using phrases like “not something casual.” By offering them the “choice,” he is, himself, condemning his own daughters to the possibility of all the things he fears: illness, pregnancy, poverty, and possibly death. Children who are taught that there are no absolutes will almost always choose the easiest (or most tempting) path. Especially when the more disciplined path is presented as an equal alternative. Let’s be honest here, unless you have a set of values to back up your choices, self discipline never looks as easy, fun, or desirable as immediate gratification.

Let’s apply his style of thinking to food, instead, and see how it measures up. Food is much harder to resist than sex, because it is a necessity for life; yet I suspect he requires a level of parental discipline in the food department. Can you imagine a parent saying “Children are going to choose dessert over broccoli, so we should begin educating them from early on to use diet pills. Statistics tell us that a large percentage of teens are overindulging in desserts, which can lead to obesity, heart disease, diabetes, and in some cases, death.” Would he offer young children diet pills while giving them the choice to forego discipline and eat nothing but desserts? Of course not. It is a parent’s job to teach good eating habits. It is his job to teach his children that vegetables are better for him than cheesecake. It isn’t an equal choice that they should be respected enough to make on their own. A parent who refuses to teach self discipline to his children is a lousy excuse for a parent.

But enough said about sex education and kid sex. What does it have to do with homeschooling? The obvious answer is that many parents opt out of public schooling to prevent their children from being sent these harmful messages about dessert being equal to dinner. Many parents feel that the only way they can prevent their children from being taught whatever the current whim of the educational elite is is to teach them at home.

But the bigger question is also the question often asked about homeschooling: “What about socialization?” And the answer is that one must seriously question just how healthy this “socialization” that takes place in mainstream schools can be, if more than half of youngsters are engaging in these dangerous behaviors, and the educators and politicians are only concerned for their preparation for it. Is an environment where peers are taught to exercise no self discipline a healthy one? If this is socialization, I don’t want it.

On the other hand, many homeschoolers have large families and good support networks. When one daughter was in school, she got bullied daily. She was academically abused by the administration, she was physically and emotionally abused by her classmates, and she spent her recess times finding places to hide alone. Another daughter gained greater acceptance by engaging in dangerous activities, from which she still has not fully recovered. Is this somehow healthier than being among people who love them, and choosing with whom to socialize?

The fact is that the over-sexualization that happens in school is only one of the many harmful influences to which young children are exposed and by which they are often traumatized. When teachers and politicians look the other way and refer to it merely as a “choice,” they are doing about the same thing that the teachers did when they looked the other way while my daughter was abused and humiliated in 6th grade. They are allowing the inmates to run the asylum, because it is easier than teaching them right behavior.

If society is going to look the other way when students engage in harmful sexual activity or bullying, we might as well stop banning weapons in school. Perhaps along with condoms the schools could distribute knives so that the bullied kids can exercise “safe” bullying. And they could give out thong bikinis to the kindergarteners, too. It’s never too early to sexualize children and prepare them for molestation.

Or maybe I could just teach them at home, and protect them from both bullies and politicians.

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Posted By Christina M on July 25, 2007

Let’s face it: I’m not very good about keeping up with changing the sidebar. The book list looks stagnant. So, for that matter, does my posting history lately. Time, I guess, to correct both items at once, and post about the books instead of listing them in a sidebar.

The Story of the Trapp Family Singers by Maria Trapp
I finished this a while ago, and it was one of the most enjoyable books I’ve read. Maria Trapp and her husband Georg had so much faith, a life literally built on and around faith, a fact that doesn’t come true nearly strongly enough in The Sound of Music. The story presented in the movie is pretty true to the characters, though many factual details were completely changed (such as the names of the children!). The movie plot, however, only tells the very beginning of the story of this family’s life together. In the book I had the pleasure of seeing how Maria taught folk culture to an elite family, and how they anxiously awaited the opportunity to become American citizens. Most of all, I had the privilege of seeing incredible faith in action. Maria had a sharp sense of humor, making it a fun and thoroughly enjoyable story, as well. I highly recommend it.

Currently on the Short Stack: The Well Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Bauer.

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