I am hot...

it just comes in flashes.

Catholicism for Dummies?

Posted By on June 1, 2004

The Pope has appealed to the Church in America to study contemporary culture to find a way to appeal to youths, if we hope to break away from the danger from turning, as a society, to materialism in place of spirituality.

That’s just what the Church in America has been trying to do. Unfortunately, too many adults just don’t know how. The problem is that modern liturgy often treats “Catholicism for youth” as if it were “Catholicism for Dummies.”

It’s true that young people often listen to different types of music on the radio than fogeys like me. It’s also true that they dress differently, style their hair differently, and use different slang. (My daughter would be cringing at me for using a word like “fogey.”)

But the truth is that kids don’t want adults to be like them, because they find comfort and security in knowing that we are past fads. They are reassured by the fact that we are stillness in their lives of perpetual motion. They look to us for an example of what they will be, and though they will rarely admit it, they like knowing that they will be like us, too, one day. You see, when we are “fogeys” it gives them permission to be, or at least to know that they will be. It gives them hope that some day they will be able to dress in last year’s fashions without worrying about what their peers will think.

When they see people too old to sway with every wind, it tells them that there is something more permanent in this world than their ever-changing tide. They want the same thing from the Church.

They like music at church that we think is too outdated for such trendcatchers. They like that church gives them a break from the constant pressure to be hip.

They like knowing that God is eternal, and His Church has permanence.

If we truly hope to heed the Pope’s advice and find a way to appeal to youths, what we need to do is stop trying to appeal to youths. We need to appeal to human beings of faith who happen to be young. We need to give them the same quality that we hope for, ourselves, in a liturgy. Teens and young adults are not nearly so flighty, or so snobbish, as many liturgists seem to think. Let’s invite them to take a break from worshipping popular culture, and worship the Eternal God.

Memorial Day Movie Fest

Posted By on May 29, 2004

Now that Memorial Day weekend is here, barbecues are heating, boats are revving, and sleeping bags are getting cleaned across the United States. My family plans to spend at least part of Memorial Day weekend acknowledging our military by watching some old favorites among military movies.

We’ll definitely be starting off with The Great Escape, about a massive POW escape during World War II. We might follow up with a comedy like Sgt. Bilko or Stripes. I like Private Benjamin, but it has some scenes at the beginning that we definitely don’t want to expose the kids to.

In my opinion, the “war movie to end all war movies” is Saving Private Ryan. We rented that one a few months ago, so I guess we won’t get it for this Memorial Day, but I still recommend it if you have a constitution that can handle a very realistic war movie. If you want to see real heroic virtue, you won’t find much better.

And really, that’s what the war and military movies are about. Even the silly movies (like Private Benjamin and Stripes) show people who go into the military with the wrong motives but ultimately learn something about responsibility and duty, and discover that they enjoy the way it makes them feel to live up to those virtues.

So maybe this Memorial Day, we can take some time out from the food and the boating, and remind ourselves to let the meaning of the holiday inspire us a little.

View from a Counter

Posted By on May 24, 2004

Some of you may have noticed I recently acquired a counter from Sitemeter. I really like it because it offers me some information to help track what people are looking for on my site, and has helped me to find some of the other sites that link to mine. What I hadn’t counted on is how it helps me to know what I write about that people most seek.

What I discovered is that by far the thing that most draws people to Carmel Sundae is information about chastity.

It’s ironic; chastity is something we all know about, so why are so many people seeking information about it? We all know that sex outside of marriage leads to unplanned pregnancies and the spread of disease. We all know that sex in non-permanent relationships leads to heartbreak. We all know that every form of artificial birth control has a failure rate, and that abortion causes lasting harm. Yet people keep on looking for information and encouragement on the subject of chastity.

I think the reason is that sex is a highly emotional thing. Even though we know that when it isn’t used carefully it causes pain, it still tempts. It tempts us, it tempts those we love. It tempts adults, and it even tempts children. We are put on this earth to love God and one another, to love and be loved; and we long for signs of the nourishing love we so crave. When we are the loneliest is when we are most vulnerable to the temptation to fill the void with external expressions of the love we need. We get to be in a hurry for love, because the ache can get so bad.

And let’s face it: for a lot of single people, the ache is bad.

It’s worse for children than it ever was before, with more and more living apart from at least one parent, and more and more caring for themselves while their parents work outside the home. It isn’t much wonder that more teens than ever are seeking intimacy.

That so many people are still seeking information on chastity does truly tell us something. Young people, especially, are vulnerable to misteaching about sex and its purpose, because they are vulnerable to that fear of not being loved. Let’s keep counteracting the influence of those who teach wrong things about sex, yes; but let’s also make a special point of letting the young people in our lives know that we love them. Let’s not just give them the tools and information to fight temptation, but also make them less vulnerable to temptation in the first place. It’s deep, soul-filling love that they are really seeking.

You mean we can’t order them by catalog?

Posted By on May 20, 2004

Everyone nowadays knows that the way to have a baby is to have sex. As Snopes points out, we are quick to chuckle at the idea of not knowing this. But it seems as though the reciprocal were some dark, mysterious secret: that the way not to have a baby is not to have sex.

Artificial birth control is so lauded that most of the “establishment” rarely consider whether it might be dangerous, or even how the most popular methods work. Couples are rarely told, for example, that the IUD is not a contraceptive device, but an abortifacient device.

The local gynecologist has charts in his exam room listing methods of “contraception” that name things like the IUD and Depo Provera, which are not contraceptives but abortifacients. Yet the charts are startlingly silent about Natural Family Planning, the only 100% safe method. Why would a medical community supposedly dedicated to the well-being of its patients put out such literature that teaches dangerous falsehood and omits helpful information?

Why is it that we think it so obvious that sex is the means to pregnancy, but our society is so cautious about pointing out that abstinence prevents it?

Time to Plan for Father’s Day

Posted By on May 17, 2004

Now that Mother’s Day is past, it’s time to start planning for Father’s Day. Do you think your husband or dad could use a nice wallet? Or perhaps he’s more traditional, and would prefer the old classic, a tie?

The nice thing about these gifts is that they are personal, but not too personal, or just plain disgusting.

So pick your gifts for that special man in your life carefully. Show him that you love him, or at least that you find him amusing.

But remember, if you can’t find anything else, you can fall back on the old standards. Men always appreciate something for the yard.

Count ’em

Posted By on May 13, 2004

I just thought I’d share with you the haiku my son wrote.

Five syllable line
Line with seven syllables
Five syllable line

That’s just the kind of humor he has. If you find it amusing, you might check out his blog.

And now we return you to your regularly scheduled blogger.

Culture of Fear?

Posted By on May 12, 2004

As the debate wages on over John Kerry and his relationship with the Catholic Church, we see views increasingly polarizing over such questions as whether he should be allowed to receive Communion while remaining a staunch supporter of abortion. Kerry’s views on not only abortion itself, but everything from stem cell research to the “morning after pill” are bringing many Catholics question whether a Catholic in good standing can separate morals from political views. Yesterday Michnews posted an article confronting head on the decision that faces bishops and voters alike today.

First, I will make clear that Church teaching is clear on one thing: a person in a state of mortal sin is not to receive the Eucharist. It’s a Biblical view, and no Catholic has the authority to override Scripture. Church teaching is also clear that abortion is a sin, and that to promote it is also a grave sin. Scripture again speaks on this subject, saying that for the one who causes others to sin, it would be better for him to be drowned with a millstone tied to his neck.

So the question is not whether or not John Kerry is objectively sinning: he is. Nor is the question whether or not, knowing of this sin, he should receive Holy Communion: he should not. Scripture and Church teaching alike are clear. The question is how the faithful, and particularly Mr. Kerry’s own Bishop, should respond.

A part of me would feel vindicated and hopeful to learn of the good Bishop taking a strong stand on the matter, publicly announcing that Mr. Kerry cannot receive. But the reality is that I do not know what pastoral discussions the Bishop may have had privately with Mr. Kerry, so I, like millions of Americans, am not in a position to pass judgment on how the Bishop has responded to the situation. How can we judge a situation when we do not actually know the full situation? My energies would be far better spent praying for the wisdom of this Bishop and all bishops.

Even better, my energies should be spent praying for a change of heart for Kerry himself.

But I would hope that the one reaction the faithful would not resort to is fear. The column mentioned above says “The disparity over this issue once more points to a dangerous moment for the Catholic Church in America.”

Is this how far we’ve fallen? Do we fear that prayer and fasting no longer effect good? Do we so fear the failure of the pastoral counsel of a faithful pastor that we object to its being attempted before public action is taken?

Our response to horrors like fetal stem cell research and abortion should be one of sorrow, penance, and action. It should not be one of fear, though. We fear that the next election will fall to the wrong person, when our response to recent issues should instead be one of faith: not faith in the election, but faith in God who will not abandon us even if our nation votes foolishly.

And our response should an increase in our own reverence toward the Body and Blood of Christ.

My husband said the other day “The people doing this” (referring to those angry voices who blame the Bishop for how he handles the situation) “are not even doing it out of reverence for the Eucharist. They’re doing it out of political vindictiveness.” I hope that he is mistaken, but I am certain that it is at least something that each of us should pray about.

Before any of us yell about someone else’s disrespect of the Eucharist, we should each spend an hour of pure worship and adoration ourselves.

Here We Go A-Wasl-ing

Posted By on April 26, 2004

It’s that time of year again: the students in Washington State schools walk through their disrupted school days with the burden of the Washington Assessment of Student Learning on their shoulders. Dire warnings follow them about the need to pass the test and the importance of making their school look good. Every student must pass, but fifty percent will fail.

No, it isn’t a failure on the part of the schools that causes this fifty percent failure rate; the failure rate is built in. Only the top half of tests pass.

I find it ironic that while the state is requiring that half of all students fail, and half of all schools fail, at the local level they are still engaging the “self esteem movement” methods. My daughter’s school has an awards ceremony every month, where three different students from each class get awards each time… a different three students. And that isn’t even counting the perfect attendance awards that are granted not annually but monthly. The awards are geared, essentially, toward ensuring that almost every student be told, at least once in the year, that he is the best.

Both extremes are wrong. To say that every student is the best waters down the honor of genuine accomplishment and recognition; yet to require half of all students to fail sets an impossible standard for those who struggle in school. It seems logical, even obvious, that any contest in which everyone wins doesn’t measure much, and any test in which half fail is an indictment on the whole system (in this case, the WASL system).

As a parent of gifted children, I object to both measurements. I don’t want to see my kids automatically win, because it takes away the incentive to try. I don’t want them rewarded, either, for their intelligence. They did not work for that, and can’t take much credit. I want to see them work for acknowledgement, in areas that require effort. To me, a perfect attendance award or an A in homework means a lot more than a “You’re Smart” certificate.

I also don’t want to see other kids required to fail simply because my kids were born fortunate. If the test were objective, it would be much fairer; but regardless of how objective the WASL promoters claim it is, if children’s success is only judged competitively, by how they measure against other children, it isn’t objective. The “smart” kids are going to fill the passing percentile ranks, and the kids who struggle are going to get beaten down again and again. I don’t think it’s fair that hard working kids who are learning should be penalized simply because tests come easier to my kids.

Finally, I think it very short-sighted that we make so much rest upon a single test. It practically ensures that schools will “teach the test,” which has multiple harmful results. It means that they are spending more time learning how to test and less time learning how to think. It means that they are spending more time learning the specific types of information teachers expect to see on the test, and omitting other equally necessary information not likely to appear on the test. It implies that only information tested by the WASL matters, and that the writers of the WASL are all-wise and never err in educational judgment.

It also homogenizes learning. Robert Frost said “The best things and best people rise out of their separateness; I’m against a homogenized society because I want the cream to rise.” If we really believe in the uniqueness of the gifts of each child (as the self esteem movement would have us see), then we should allow children to explore divergent paths of learning. The more we gauge their learning by monolithic tests, and use those tests alone to judge them and their schools, the more we reduce their opportunity to learn independently. Children who must “learn the test” do not have time to learn things like research and logic sufficiently, because those things require independent exploration, and take away from time spent learning the specific topics covered on the test.

The result is that those who are gifted in one area but poor in another will spend a lot of time trying to overcome their difficulty in the area of challenge and very little time developing their giftedness. It means we wind up with a lot of competent students, but fewer and fewer who ever develop their potential for giftedness.

Those schools that have trouble passing the WASL, and those parents whose students perform poorly on the test, will undoubtedly complain that the test is not fair; and undoubtedly, their cries will be ignored as so many sour grapes. So let me go on record, as a parent of gifted children, with my criticism. My children will ace the tests; but I still know that the test still isn’t wise. We should be encouraging success, not requiring failure.

Diaper Bag Excursions

Posted By on April 20, 2004

Patricia Rodriguez discussed in a Tuesday column the difficulties and pleasures of travelling with children, as opposed to adult travelling. Since I haven’t posted but once since my own newest arrival on the first, it seemed like an appropriate way to jump back in. Forget about dipping my toes into the waters of travel; it’s daunting enough just to dip back into blogging, on an average of 5 hours a night of sleep.

That’s total, folks. Occasionally I get up to 7 1/2, in 2 hour increments; but usually, it’s more like 4. And that, too, is segmented. Last night, we paid our eldest to babysit so flu-ridden hubbie and I could sleep it off. Sleep feels like such an incredible luxury.

Nevertheless, life goes on, and so do blogs. The kids still want food daily (Pshaw! Where do they get these spoiled notions?), and the city still wants us to pay the water bill. As much as Ms. Rodriguez’ ideas appeal, it’s hard enough to keep up with the requirements of homemaking, let alone globetrotting with a diaper bag. Yet I applaud her attitude. Having a family isn’t the end of living, but an addition and an adjustment… and despite sleeplessness and changing attitudes, it’s a positive one. I can’t imagine either travelling or homemaking, and getting as much satisfaction, if we were a family of two. I miss the occasional breathing space of time alone with my groom, but it would seem meaningless if that were all there were.

One day we will have the time, money, and energy to travel. And when we do, I hope we’ll still have kids with us that we can share it with. I look forward to seeing our youngest’s reaction one day to meeting Mickey Mouse, as I have enjoyed watching the older kids light up at good photo ops.

Even as I type, I postponed Sunday’s planned trip out of town to the Tridentine Mass. I wanted to go, but I dreaded trying to meet a deadline while having to pull over and nurse. I worry about feeding the baby too many bottles and running out of milk, and I worry about simply not having the energy to dress quickly enough. But it won’t be long before I have the courage to share other parishes with Davy and the other kids. I may never get a chance to traipse around the world with the ducklings in tow, but I do know this: I’d rather have all my ducks in a row here at home, making short and infrequent excursions with them, than have constant grand adventures without.

David Nathan

Posted By on April 3, 2004

I guess you gotta be careful whom you believe on April Fools Day, and whom you let have your blog password!

Dear, sweet hubbie… loveable yet unmanageable prankster… was delighted that our David Nathan was born on April Fools Day. So excited, in fact, that he began calling family members while I slept after childbirth. He told them that our 8 lb 12 oz boy was over 14 lbs, and that we’d given him the middle name Jessica. Most people were too polite to ask why on earth we’d choose a name like Jessica for a boy. My youngest sister asked outright, and after hearing his bogus explanation said “You are so full of it. It’s April Fools Day.” She had to reassure my family that no, I hadn’t given birth to a whale with a girl’s name.

And then he goes home for a shower, and posts to my blog.

But I wouldn’t trade ‘im for the world. I couldn’t handle life with a husband who lacked a sense of humor, and let’s face it: he makes good babies.

Thanks for the good wishes and prayers. We’re all doing well, and working at forgetting the 33 hours of labor. And Davy’s worth it.