2 Things about marriage
Posted By Christina M on October 15, 2012
1. A strong marriage requires sharing of values.
2. A happy marriage requires that each person consider him or herself responsible for the other one’s happiness.
Where do “interests” come in? Wherever you wish, so long as they don’t interfere with 1 and 2. A married person should never take on an “interest” that actively excludes the other person, because values and caring are always more important than interests. A relationship built around shared interests has a shaky foundation, but a relationship where outside interests supersede interest in one’s spouse has a splintered and painful foundation. Fortunately, a splintered foundation is reparable.
I am grateful that my husband, although he is not a musician, encourages my interest in music. He likes that I play and sing at church and he has done “pew duty” with the kids so I would be able to be in the choir. And he encourages me to participate in certain choral events–and is a proud audience member. He knows full well that music is like breathing to me; one Sunday I was having a rough morning and he said to me, “You’ll feel a lot better after you sing at church.” What do you know, he was right! It’s a weird way to share an interest, but it works for us.
And that’s a perfect example of him taking responsibility for your happiness. None of this means you can’t have things you do separately, but that they just don’t matter more to you than he does. If he felt hurt by your choir activity, or left out, I bet you would reconsider it.