Absent with Leave September 30, 2009
(or at least an excuse.)
I’m sorry, gentle reader, for my neglect. You see, we have recently undergone a certain life change in our home. To be more accurate, I’m the one who has changed status, from SAHM to student. I’ve gone back to school to study for a Master-In-Teaching degree.
It’s all rather exciting, daunting, and disconcerting… all at once. It’s exciting because I’m enjoying my courses, fellow students (actually they call us a cohort) and the prospect of a career. I’ve always believed I had a gift for teaching, and right now I’m feeling called. I believe God is leading me this direction.
Which leads to the daunting aspect. The fact is that I’ve been a homeschooler and stay at home mom for so many years (17 as a homeschooler, 20 as a stay at home mom) that the idea of trading it all in feels like a betrayal. I’ve always said I respect people for making a choice about what’s best for their children, whether that choice is school, homeschool, or some other option. Yet when I am “crossing the line” I feel like I’m losing my identity and betraying those I’ve felt a kinship with in the past. I have to just breathe deeply, ask for guidance, and recommit myself to doing what I believe God wants of me at this point in my life, and not let my own self image interfere.
Do I still identify with homeschoolers? Yes. I still think of myself that way, and in fact I still have a daughter studying at home via an online public school program. And I have a son in kindergarten at the local school, because in his case there is little doubt in my mind that he needs it. Nobody has given me a hard time about going back to school to become a teacher; in fact, I’ve gotten nothing but support and positive words from everyone I know. Still, I feel weird about the whole thing.
The weirdest part is that I find myself identifying with teachers,, and classrooms, and classroom management, and all those things that really had an “otherness” feel about them before. I never thought teachers were the enemy, so why do I feel like a traitor?
I know this change of perspective is necessary if I am to succeed as a teacher. I need to think about things like a less individualized curriculum, and large group discipline, and seating arrangements and desks and notes home. Somehow, though, it feels like I’m leaving something behind. So it’s exciting, yes; but also bittersweet.
I imagine that the tone of my blog will change as I make this transition from housewife to student to new teacher to career person. I don’t think I’m changing tremendously, but I’m sure going to find myself in new circumstances, and responding to them. I pray that none of this will distract me from my truest calling, to know, love, and serve God in this world, preparing to be happy with Him in the next.
I invite you to go on this journey with me. I’m going to need the prayers.