Posted By Christina M on October 29, 2013

And he said, “Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. 1 Kings 19: 11-12

^ Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27

 

I think one of the hardest things many Christians go through is the feeling that God is talking to everyone else. We read the saints, we read the Bible, and they hear God speaking to them; or they see  God in a burning bush. Most of us don’t really want to trade places with Moses, but it would be kind of nice if we had some of the assurance he must have gotten from such an obvious, visible sign. But He seems to save the big signs for people who have to be really, really sure that it is God calling them to lead a nation out of slavery or something.

Me? You? We’re just His ordinary followers. He calls; oh, how He calls. But the details of our vocations sometimes seem absent.

You want me to do what? Ok, fine. Just tell me how.

Silence.

Lord, You led me here. Now what?

Silence.

Father, I think maybe you are calling me to do a really scary, big thing. How can I be sure it’s you?

Silence.

Discernment is a really hard thing sometimes.

When we really do want His answers, or His instruction, or maybe even just His consolation, sometimes we reach up and understand how Jesus must have felt when He said “Father, why have you forsaken me?” We know He hasn’t, but sometimes it’s an act of faith just to remember that.

But what if He really is speaking to me, and I just haven’t learned to listen?  What if, when He uses actual words, that is His equivalent of baby talk, and He wants to communicate with us in a deeper way?

I have come, in recent times, to believe that “peace” and that “still small voice” may actually be the same thing. Sometimes, the “voice” that speaks to me isn’t a voice at all, in the sense that I think of it, but a peace that settles in my gut and I just know. It isn’t as shocking, and it doesn’t cause goose bumps. It doesn’t have that exciting feeling of a miracle. On the other hand, for me to have peace may well be a miracle.

I think this started to sink in with me about a year and a half ago. I went to a CCD meeting, and I was trying to discern if God wanted me to volunteer to teach a class. I didn’t really want to make that commitment, but I was willing if that was what God wanted. I prayed about it, and didn’t hear any answer. The meeting was about to start, and I still didn’t know. So I said “God, you’ll let me know.” Then, I let go.

At the end of the meeting, when they asked for volunteers, I knew. I realized that I’d known for at least a half hour. I was at peace. God’s voice had settled not my brain but my nerves. His voice was peace.

I still forget to trust in peace. I still ask for signs, and I sometimes get them. I still listen for an earthquake or a fire, and sometimes God really does shout. But usually, He waits patiently until I stop listening for a boom and start listening for stillness. And when I do, sometimes I realize that God answered me a long time ago, and I just didn’t hear Him over the loudspeaker I was listening for.

Categories: faith
Tags: