A little awkward note

Posted By on November 9, 2011

When I was student teaching early in the year, I ran out of time. Between teaching, and the associated homework for my teaching program, and the classes on the side, there was scarcely time to hug my kids or wash the dishes, let alone blog. After I finished my master’s program, I didn’t feel like there was much to say: no job yet, a messy house in need of repair, and a looooong wait for the pieces of paper that proved I was qualified. By the time I had the time and motive, I was a little embarrassed to come back to blogging. That, and I had sort of lost my sense of direction. I no longer felt like I was entirely the same person. So, embarrassed, I stayed away.

In some ways I really do feel like a different person, with different motivations, and different direction. My faith struggled for a while, but it’s healed now. When I started this blog, I was a person who knew I was never going to be able to achieve my dream of a bachelor’s degree; now I have a master’s. For two years, I was a student working toward a teaching credential. Now I am a teacher. (Even if my only employment is as a substitute teacher.) I never dreamed of spending my days with a different collection of kids every session, but as it turns out I love it. I love when I get to return to a classroom and I remember the names and personalities. I love when I am reminded of how quickly and easily first graders give affection, and when I am reminded of how quickly and easily seventh graders think, and joke, and engage.

I haven’t been to my Carmelite meetings in a long time, because of school obligations and then illnesses. My focus has spread out from children, saving money, and rejoicing in my marriage to all of those things plus a good many more. I am the same person, with the same core values, but not always with the same direction I had in a former life (the one three years ago). How do I explain that to any readers this blog may still have? I wondered.

Then the answer came: just get it out of the way, if you feel you must, and move on. Simple.


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